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I believe that the universe started with a big bang.  So what was there before the big bang?  Can a big bang come from nothing?  Did someone initiate the big bang on purpose?  Or was it a random occurance?  Maybe the big bang was an unintentional but not random occurance.  The Law of Conservation of Mass/Energy says that the matter that goes into a reaction must equal the matter that comes out and that energy cannot be created or destroyed, only changed.  In other words there is some finite amount of matter in the universe.  There will never be more, there will never be less.  But where did the matter come from? 

The answer is there is no explanation.  Any atheist scientist who gives you some technical explanation is just guessing and is probably not really an atheist, because supporting his theory of how the universe was started he has to have faith in that theory.  Any creationist who tells you the big bang is nonsense and that god created the earth in seven days tells you this because he has faith in what he believes.  I guess that is what I am getting at:  faith in something makes that thing right to the believer.  No matter how half-cocked somebody's belief is, if they have faith in it it is their reality.

Along those same lines having a large group of people who believe the same thing does not make their beliefs any more right than anyone elses.  There can be no democracy in religion.  In matters of faith, the majority does not rule.  Everyone dictates their own faith,  At least everyone should...

So what is my faith?  I have been thinking about it a lot.  Dictating it if you will... 

It all comes back to the time before the big bang.  There was a bang and then there was all the matter in the universe:  Every proton, every neutron, every electron.  So what was there before the bang?  I believe there was something, some form of life.  A god if you will.  A god that had had lived a long life and then he died.  When he died there was an explosion, and god's atoms made the space dust and the stars and the comets and the black holes and eventually the earths of the universe.  The thesis of my faith, god is the universe and since we are all made of the same basic materials as everything else in the universe, we are god. 

It seems about as likely as anything else. 

When I was little a girl in my class had an asthma attack.  This terrified me because I couldn't see these Asthmas... but sure enough they were assaulting her right before my eyes.  The teacher took the Asthmas' victim to the nurse and I turned inward and imagined the nasty little brown spores with teeth and red eyes that flew down from the sky unannounced and attacked unsuspecting grade schoolers. 

When I was a little older we saw a plume of smoke in the sky.  Fire was such a distant concept to a group of nine year olds who lived in the suburbs.  We sent Dan, who was the oldest amongst us, to go and investigate.  His ten and a half years afforded him with an allowed distance farther than the the rest of us.  Away he peddled on his bike.  He returned some time later, the minutes are very abstract to me now,  and said that he got as far as Walt's Ice Cream.  "Walt's!" we all exclaimed impressed, that was almost nine blocks away... much farther than any of us had ever gone.  "Somebody at Walt's told me that the ice skating rink had burned down."  Generally my friends and I were relieved, we weren't big fans of ice skating. 

When I was six years old I rode the bus to my first day of school.  All the way across the river to Eisenhower Elementary.  It was a humid September day and very cloudy.  I don't remember what happened in school that day.  I think my teachers name might have been Mrs. Parks.  When I got home the sky was dark.  Off I went to a friends birthday party.  We were in the back yard playing with water guns under a strange sky.  All I remember is pink.  An adult told us to come inside.  In the basement the party continued, we were playing double dragon two when the lights went out.  The lights didn't come back on and an hour or so later my mother told me it was time to go.  A Tornado hit?  In Plainfield?  Oh.  Locations of cities were so inconsequential when you were little.  My mom had to go into the hospital and work all night.  My dad and sister and I slept in the living room with a flash light because the lights still hadn't come on.  At day light the next day my best friend Greg and I set out to play like we always did.  We were perplexed to find lots and lots of wet pink fluff strewn about every where, pink fluff of the sort you find in your unfinished basement...  Duly noted, children went about their lives. 

Can you wrap your mind around it if I sing the words?  What's the use in wrapping a mind in a sad song when the sun surely shines somewhere... like Hawaii.  An ancient Hawaiian was the king of the world because his hill was the biggest on the ocean.  The ocean was the world.  If the ocean is the world then outer space must be landlocked..  like Bolivia.  An ancient Bolivian lived on a far bigger hill than the ones they have in Hawaii, therefore he was the real king of the world.  The world was the mountains.  If the world is the mountains and not the ocean then what about the mountains under the ocean?  A little ugly fish decided that since he lived at the foundation of the mountains homo sapiens call continents that he was the king...

Silly fish, you can't be king because you're ugly.  We all know that sex sells, subjects would never subjugate to such an unsatisfying face as yours.  Thats why god made people.  the beautiful things.  but that all went to their heads and somebody saw the hawaiian outer space and made the mountains hollow.  The contents of the mountains went to some other hill and painted the churches yellow...  But don't look now mister Hawaiian, happy on your little hill  the ocean doesn't keep you safe.

When Hawaiians were Hawaiians and Bolivians were the same they weren't that at all.  The concept of naming the place where you are at would seem foreign to anyone sane.  A hill was just a hill...

and a man was just a man.

Parkinglotification - Get Used to it. 

There are three clear and present dangers facing our society today.  There is the ongoing occupation of Iraq.  Also, we are overburdened with an enormous and aging nuclear arsenal.  Last but certainly not least is the ever diminishing availability of a quality parking space.  Fear not my fellow Americans we can kill two birds with one stone!  We must use our nuclear arsenal to turn Iraq into a giant parking lot in which we may comfortably park out cars. 

There is no questioning the shortage of money in America today.  The conflict in Iraq is burning a huge hole in our collective pockets.  According to the USA Today, "The price for the combat phase is about $220 per American".  With eighty-seven billion dollars just appropriated by congress for the ongoing operation, who knows how much more it will cost us in the long run.  The cost to our red blooded American soldiers does not even have to be mentioned. 

According to Atomic Audit:  The Costs and Consequences of U.S. Nuclear Weapons Since 1940, the United States has spent close to 5.5 trillion dollars on nuclear weapons in the last sixty-four years.  This number does not take into account the cost of storing and maintaining an enormous nuclear arsenal.  "Distributed evenly to everyone in the United States the cost of nuclear weapons comes to $21,646 per person." 

OUCH!  That's a rediculous amount of money to have invested in a stack of weapons that are going to waste. 

This is where the plan comes to fruition.  We must pull all of our troops out of Iraq and the flatten the God forsaken place.  This may not take our entire nuclear weapons store to accomplish so we can save a few warheads in case the need for more parking space arises.  (We have a whole bunch of cars, Canada...)  Once the dust settles we are left with a 432,162 square kilometer parking lot.  The best part about this whole idea is oil can still be drilled from a parking lot!  Once our SUV's are comfortably parked in our new Arab parking lot they can be fueled right there in the desert. 

Of course, a small fee can be assesed for parking and the procedes can go to the surviving Iraqi people.  But there will not be that many of them and those who do live through the parkinglotification process most likely won't be around that long.  Parking will be free before we know it! 

Whats that you ask?  How are we going to park our cars in Iraq?  Don't as me that question, ask the scientists.  What do you think I am, some kind of physicist? 

I just write policy for the president.