Parkinglotification - Get Used to it. 

There are three clear and present dangers facing our society today.  There is the ongoing occupation of Iraq.  Also, we are overburdened with an enormous and aging nuclear arsenal.  Last but certainly not least is the ever diminishing availability of a quality parking space.  Fear not my fellow Americans we can kill two birds with one stone!  We must use our nuclear arsenal to turn Iraq into a giant parking lot in which we may comfortably park out cars. 

There is no questioning the shortage of money in America today.  The conflict in Iraq is burning a huge hole in our collective pockets.  According to the USA Today, "The price for the combat phase is about $220 per American".  With eighty-seven billion dollars just appropriated by congress for the ongoing operation, who knows how much more it will cost us in the long run.  The cost to our red blooded American soldiers does not even have to be mentioned. 

According to Atomic Audit:  The Costs and Consequences of U.S. Nuclear Weapons Since 1940, the United States has spent close to 5.5 trillion dollars on nuclear weapons in the last sixty-four years.  This number does not take into account the cost of storing and maintaining an enormous nuclear arsenal.  "Distributed evenly to everyone in the United States the cost of nuclear weapons comes to $21,646 per person." 

OUCH!  That's a rediculous amount of money to have invested in a stack of weapons that are going to waste. 

This is where the plan comes to fruition.  We must pull all of our troops out of Iraq and the flatten the God forsaken place.  This may not take our entire nuclear weapons store to accomplish so we can save a few warheads in case the need for more parking space arises.  (We have a whole bunch of cars, Canada...)  Once the dust settles we are left with a 432,162 square kilometer parking lot.  The best part about this whole idea is oil can still be drilled from a parking lot!  Once our SUV's are comfortably parked in our new Arab parking lot they can be fueled right there in the desert. 

Of course, a small fee can be assesed for parking and the procedes can go to the surviving Iraqi people.  But there will not be that many of them and those who do live through the parkinglotification process most likely won't be around that long.  Parking will be free before we know it! 

Whats that you ask?  How are we going to park our cars in Iraq?  Don't as me that question, ask the scientists.  What do you think I am, some kind of physicist? 

I just write policy for the president.